Yeah. That's right. I have broken my fast. 10 months early. I couldn't hack it in the smartphone-free world. I just felt grumpy all the time, and started questioning why I was purposely making my life harder. I wanted some of those conveniences back. On top of that, the last two weeks have continued to be rough. The hits just kept on coming. I felt like I had been caught where the waves hit the shore and every time I got close to making it back safely to dry ground (or even got my head above water long enough to breath), another huge wave would come up out of nowhere and knock me down. Over and over and over.
A few days after I realized I was having a miscarriage, I discovered that the floor of my car was soaking wet. I hadn't noticed because we have rubber mats on top, which I love, but dang! They were hiding the white mold that was starting to grow up the sides of the mats. No biggie. I just got this car a year ago, and we have an extended warranty, it would be fine. (You see where this is going, right?) Only no it wouldn't. Not if the extended warranty doesn't cover any issues with the body of the car (or the seals...). I would need all of the carpet and insulators replaced. (cue waves crashing) I started crying right there on the spot at the service center. Jasmine, my service rep, was obviously uncomfortable with this girl sobbing in front of her, unable to speak, but it couldn't be helped. It would cost anywhere between hundreds and thousands. It cost nearly $3,000 in the end.
Then, the next day my harddrive crashed. The one with all of the pictures I had taken since starting the fast. I had tried to back them all up, but our frickin' wireless is so slow, not all of them made it. I lost a lot of pictures (the photobooth ones included) and all of the edits I had done since I started relearning Photoshop. This was probably more painful than the car. I cried all day. "Why, God?! WHY?!"
And finally when the nurses couldn't get hold of me to give me my blood test results because my voicemail didn't work on my new phone, I was done. I had reached my limit. BRING BACK MY PINK SPARKLY, WONDER! I needed a reliable phone and I wanted to listen to my audio books, dammit! I just needed a little instant happiness in my life, and sending emojis to my friends and waiting to see how long it would take them to notice that I was using my smartphone again was a heck of a lot of fun! (It took some of them ages, btw!)
So, I'm back on the sauce, and I don't want to go back to living without my phone. I tried, but it was just too damn inconvenient and it made life just a little bit harder. Plus, I felt like I was spending an exorbitant amount of time talking to customer service representatives.
And in that time I spent way too much of it trying to figure out new ways to have the same luxuries my smartphone provided, the three biggest being my camera, my music/audiobooks and a phone that had voicemail, easy texting (with emojis) and a text message inbox that didn't fill up every other day. Buying all of those devices just seemed ridiculous, though, because it would cost me more money and then I'd have a shit ton of devices to carry around and potentially lose. Plus, let's be honest, an ipod basically does the same thing as a smartphone. So does an ipad, a Kindlefire, a laptop... I was still using a device, just not my smartphone.
I also realized that if I used my smartphone efficiently I would actually have more time with my family (seriously, I had never thought about this before!). Whenever I was stuck waiting (and I was hyper aware of these moments without a smartphone to distract me), I could have taken advantage and done the tasks online I needed to do get done, like ordering dog food or replying to emails or figuring out what the weather was going to be like for the next week.
I realized that the rest of the stuff, though, like Facebook and email and even a ferry schedule, I could live without having attached to me at all times.
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| I have no idea how I made this, and it has nothing to do with anything, except it was on my first hard drive that croaked. I still cry when I think about all of the photos of my kids as babies that I lost. At least I have the low rez images to look at here! |
I have been talking to a lot of people about how they manage their smartphone use. I still think we have a big problem and I still want to figure out ways to control my smartphone usage rather than it controlling me. One trick I recently read, and I think this can be related to many areas of life, is to check in with yourself from time to time and ask, "is what I am doing right now making me happy?" Often we are killing time or trying to fill a void, but sometimes we are actually using our phones for purposes that add joy (like texting gifs and emojis...) I think checking in with yourself can help. I also have friends who have taken apps off their phones that tend to suck them in.
I can't live without my phone. No, let me rephrase that. I can't HAPPILY live without my phone, so I am just going to have to figure out ways to feel happy about how I am using my phone. Suggestions are welcome!
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