Fell Off the Wagon - and Right Onto my Smartphone

Yeah. That's right. I have broken my fast. 10 months early. I couldn't hack it in the smartphone-free world. I just felt grumpy all the time, and started questioning why I was purposely making my life harder. I wanted some of those conveniences back. On top of that, the last two weeks have continued to be rough. The hits just kept on coming. I felt like I had been caught where the waves hit the shore and every time I got close to making it back safely to dry ground (or even got my head above water long enough to breath), another huge wave would come up out of nowhere and knock me down. Over and over and over.

A few days after I realized I was having a miscarriage, I discovered that the floor of my car was soaking wet. I hadn't noticed because we have rubber mats on top, which I love, but dang! They were hiding the white mold that was starting to grow up the sides of the mats.  No biggie. I just got this car a year ago, and we have an extended warranty, it would be fine. (You see where this is going, right?) Only no it wouldn't. Not if the extended warranty doesn't cover any issues with the body of the car (or the seals...). I would need all of the carpet and insulators replaced. (cue waves crashing) I started crying right there on the spot at the service center. Jasmine, my service rep, was obviously uncomfortable with this girl sobbing in front of her, unable to speak, but it couldn't be helped.  It would cost anywhere between hundreds and thousands. It cost nearly $3,000 in the end.

Then, the next day my harddrive crashed. The one with all of the pictures I had taken since starting the fast. I had tried to back them all up, but our frickin' wireless is so slow, not all of them made it. I lost a lot of pictures (the photobooth ones included) and all of the edits I had done since I started relearning Photoshop.  This was probably more painful than the car. I cried all day. "Why, God?! WHY?!"

And finally when the nurses couldn't get hold of me to give me my blood test results because my voicemail didn't work on my new phone, I was done. I had reached my limit. BRING BACK MY PINK SPARKLY, WONDER! I needed a reliable phone and I wanted to listen to my audio books, dammit! I just needed a little instant happiness in my life, and sending emojis to my friends and waiting to see how long it would take them to notice that I was using my smartphone again was a heck of a lot of fun! (It took some of them ages, btw!)

So, I'm back on the sauce, and I don't want to go back to living without my phone. I tried, but it was just too damn inconvenient and it made life just a little bit harder. Plus, I felt like I was spending an exorbitant amount of time talking to customer service representatives.

And in that time I spent way too much of it trying to figure out new ways to have the same luxuries my smartphone provided, the three biggest being my camera, my music/audiobooks and a phone that had voicemail, easy texting (with emojis) and a text message inbox that didn't fill up every other day. Buying all of those devices just seemed  ridiculous, though, because it would cost me more money and then I'd have a shit ton of devices to carry around and potentially lose. Plus, let's be honest, an ipod basically does the same thing as a smartphone. So does an ipad, a Kindlefire, a laptop...  I was still using a device, just not my smartphone.

I also realized that if I used my smartphone efficiently I would actually have more time with my family (seriously, I had never thought about this before!). Whenever  I was stuck waiting (and I was hyper aware of these moments without a smartphone to distract me), I could have taken advantage and done the tasks online I needed to do get done, like ordering dog food or replying to emails or figuring out what the weather was going to be like for the next week.

I realized that the rest of the stuff, though, like Facebook and email and even a ferry schedule, I could live without having attached to me at all times.

I have no idea how I made this, and it has nothing to do with anything, except it was on my first hard drive that croaked. I still cry when I think about all of the photos of my kids as babies that I lost. At least I have the low rez images to look at here!

I have been talking to a lot of people about how they manage their smartphone use. I still think we have a big problem and I still want to figure out ways to control my smartphone usage rather than it controlling me. One trick I recently read, and I think this can be related to many areas of life, is to check in with yourself from time to time and ask, "is what I am doing right now making me happy?" Often we are killing time or trying to fill a void, but sometimes we are actually using our phones for purposes that add joy (like texting gifs and emojis...)  I think checking in with yourself can help. I also have friends who have taken apps off their phones that tend to suck them in.

I can't live without my phone. No, let me rephrase that. I can't HAPPILY live without my phone, so I am just going to have to figure out ways to feel happy about how I am using my phone. Suggestions are welcome!

Week One - Withdrawal

Wow. This has been quite a week. Not only did I decide to stop using my smartphone, The Universe decided I would stop using any cell phone at all (I Broke My Doohickey). Then, after endless hours of searching for the perfect basic phone (which, I'm pretty sure only existed in the early 2000s), waiting the four days for it to arrive, then waiting 24 hours for the battery to charge (remember that?!), I find out it is incompatible with Cricket (and this is after hours of research on networks and compatibility, which is now taking up space in my brain that could be used for much more interesting facts).

(This blog is not supposed to be about "why you should never give up your smartphone", but it's sure starting to feel like that!)

So, here I am, still without a phone and after some pretty rough days, I will admit that it has become manageable. I am still here, breathing, living, existing. The world hasn't stopped spinning. Life does go on without a smartphone, but I also have to admit that a life of  extreme convenience has been lost. No more dictating while my phone magically writes a text message. No more Googling the lyrics to the Family Ties theme song while on a boat in the middle of a lake. Yes it can be done, and through the murky haze of transitioning to this point, I have even found a couple of bright patches - like being present! (Hello people right in front of me! Nice to notice you!) That has really felt great, but those moments have still been few and far between, (mostly because I have been obsessed with the loss of my smartphone).

For first few days I felt like I had just been broken up with. I couldn't stop thinking about my smartphone. Everywhere I went, everything I did, reminded me of her. From the moment I woke up in the morning, to sitting on my couch at the end of a long day, to reaching for my "book" before I went to sleep at night, it all reminded me of that special time we had shared.  Sometimes I would reach for her, and be jolted back to reality when I came up empty handed. Where were my texts? What was going on in the rest of the world? How was I suppose to confirm meetings if I couldn't check my calendar or send a text beforehand? Would that person still be planning on my visit? How was I to know?

What?

You think I'm being melodramatic or "over-romanticizing" life with a smartphone?

Moi?

Ok, maybe just a tad. My smartphone never kept me warm at night or whispered sweet nothings in my ear, but it was a close second to my husband. The truth of the matter is that it hasn't been as easy as I thought it was going to be. It has finally registered that I was basically addicted to my electronic partner in crime, and as with most addictions, you have to deal with the low lows before you can rise up and prevail!

When you try to kick any addiction or habit, you plan on it kicking your ass for the first few days, but it still always seems surprising and unexpected when it happens, nonetheless. I didn't expect to experience any withdrawal symptoms, because, you know, it's my smartphone. Everybody's doin' it. But there they were.

Some of you already know this, but smartphone addiction is a real phenomenon. Just Google "smartphone addiction" and you will get millions of results (and I'm actually not exaggerating here). The following list was taken from American Addiction Centers about typical withdrawal symptoms that occur when abstaining from alcohol.

The bulk of withdrawal symptoms will be present during the acute withdrawal phase and may include:

• Tension
• Panic attacks
• Tremors
• Difficulty concentrating
• Short-term memory loss
• Anxiety
• Irritability

• Disturbed sleep
• Headache
• Heart palpitations
• Sweating
• Nausea
• Muscle pain and stiffness
• Hypertension
• Irregular heart rate

At the time, I didn't recognize them as withdrawal symptoms. I thought I was just being super bitchy, but upon reflection, I remembered a few of them from quitting other habits or addictions.  Anxiety, tension, irritability and difficulty concentrating were my biggest offenders. It's rough stuff!

Whew! Glad I got that out of my system. I am starting to feel normal without my extra appendage.  Now comes the adjustment phase. I have stopped twitching and am not nearly as panicky when I get into my car without my smartphone. I don't know how long this next part of the journey is going to last, but the first week has been a doozie! I won't say it can't get any worse, because I just lived through last week. I'm just looking forward to more of the "being present" part of this journey.

Day 3: I Broke my Doohickey

My feelings, exactly.

Seriously. I broke my new phone.

I wish I were making it up.

As you may recall, I was having a difficult time loading my contacts onto my new phone. Well, I contacted Cricket's online chat and they suggested I get a SIM adapter. Cool! I'm all over that. If it's between sitting for days on end, manually transferring my contacts and paying five bucks, that's a no-brainer. Anyway, I got home yesterday and my package with the SIM adapter was already waiting for me. It looked easy enough with the limited word-less instructions:

Put little SIM card onto big adapter.
Put big adapter with little SIM card into little metal pocket.

Got it!

At least it looked like I had, but when I went to turn it on again my phone said "Insert SIM card". Not a good sign since I had just finished doing that. I checked it and thought I would take it out and put it back in again (one of my three go-to tricks when it comes to fixing anything that involves electricity). Uh oh. Card not coming out. "Never fear! I have tweezers! Fixed!"

Only now my phone just says "Insert SIM" all the time and does nothing else.

At first I found it kind of humorous. Really? One full day? That's how long this phone is going to last? I was all grumpy and going through withdrawals because my new phone doesn't connect to my car and I can't listen to my audio books, and what about voice to text, and is there really no speakerphone? (And yes, I know that I sound like a spolied first world brat. That doesn't change the fact that I was really annoyed and frustrated! Raaawr!) The Universe was basically saying, "Oh, poor baby. You can't use your smartphone. Imagine if you had no phone... Poof! Taaadaaaa!"

Touche, Universe.

It is much suckier with no phone at all.

I have spent the last three hours (plus a couple last night) trying to figure out how to return the phone and find a replacement. Andres, my first Cricket friend I made, told me that I had to try out the SIM card in a different phone, but I told him I didn't have another flip phone I could try it out in. Well, too bad, I would have to take it into a Cricket store. A what? I have never even seen a Cricket store, and definitely not on Vashon.

Then I tried again and got Felix. He was much more helpful, but told me I needed to call the warranty people.  I asked him if he knew what the warranty was and he proceeded to give me the definition of a warranty. I liked him though. Sweet guy. He told me I had been "awesome" and I appreciated that, especially since I was feeling super twitchy by this point.

Today, I called the warranty people and I talked to two very nice Cricket reps and after about an hour of being put on hold and calling back and waiting, I finally returned that $30 clamshell.  V is for VICTORY!

There's only one problem remaining...
I still don't have a phone I can use.

If I try to buy a new one from Cricket, they make me pay a $25 upgrade fee and, believe me, there is no one on the web support chat that can override that. I can, however, buy a phone that is compatible from another retailer and just use that one.

I know you may find this surprising, but there aren't many choices out there when it comes to basic phones. It's tricky business. Who knew you had to find one that is unlocked and compatible with a gsw network instead of a cdma network, and it's better to get a 3g lte or 4 g lte... Friends, these are just letters to me! Oh, and it goes without saying that I have to do my research to find one with good reviews...

Universe to me: "Um yeah, don't press your luck".

I ended up with a $22 phone that is blue and black. I don't even know what brand it is. I have no idea if it will work with Cricket, but to tell you the truth after talking to six different reps, I will just be happy when I can text again. I am going to cross my fingers and leave it up to the Universe. (And no funny business this time, Universe!)

So much for all the free time this new smartphone-free lifestyle was going to award me.

Hour Two - "What Have I Gotten Myself Into?"

This is me looking longingly at my beloved iphone.

Remember how excited I was a couple days ago? I was so motivated to give up my smartphone and live a richer, more meaningful life. I was NOT going to be controlled or tied down to any device. No, Sir!!

Remember that? I was all unicorns and rainbows and puppies and everything was so damn wonderful.  I was really going to set a good example for my girls and take more pictures and la dee da dee da...  I was flying high for a couple of days, congratulating myself and patting myself on the back every time I thought about how fabulous it was going to be.  Well, friends, I'm going to let you in on a little secret: the reason it seemed so fabulous was because I hadn't started it yet. 

Today I finally got my phone, and I have to tell you, this clamshell design is not nearly as sleek as I thought it was going to be.

Now I'm looking at this picture thinking, "hmmm... was that really so bad?"

REALITY CHECK!
What the hell am I doing?! It was so much easier when I was just imagining it. I have to admit that since I set up my phone, I have gone from one sinking feeling to another. First of all, I can't figure out how to sync my contacts. Most articles I find are from people switching from a flip phone to an iphone. Not the other way around! So, there's that. I don't even want to think about how long it will take to do it manually.

Then, there's the texting. It is that old fashioned texting and it is painful. It took me five minutes to text, "Are you getting this?" to myself.

From there we move on to the ringtones. Let me invite you on a ride in my time machine. We are headed for 2001. I chose the pebble dropping one and that is tolerable.

And let's finish this lovely tour with the camera.

Need I say more?

I took this and sent it to my friend, Wendy (luckily I can still do that!), and her reply was, "I guess since it's a clam shell, all of your pictures will look like they have been taken underwater".  She's a funny one.

My god. What have I gotten myself into? And I can't really turn back now. I mean, I started a blog and told everyone I know on Facebook. I at least, have to get through the first night! (I honestly just received the phone two and a half hours ago and look how much I am whining!)

Go to your happy place, Sarah. Deep Breaths. Tropical Beaches. Long Summer Breaks...

Ok.

I am sure I will feel better after a few days when the shock of it all works off, right?  I'm at that part of kicking habit where you try to talk yourself out of it, right? Have you ever done that? I remember this little trickster jerk, Fear, acting like my conscience before. I'm not falling for it this time. I  have to make it through a day at least! I just need to get through this hard time of trying to convince myself I'm making a mistake and remind myself why I'm doing this.

I will report back soon. Tomorrow is my first full day without my smartphone. Egads!

Sarah's Smartphone Fast Survival Guide

I have been gathering some things I will need to live without my smartphone. Ha ha! I just re-read that and it makes it seem so dramatic - like I'm preparing supplies to live in the back country or through a natural disaster.  This takes some planning, though, peeps! You can't just turn your phone off and continue living like you were. I mean, you at least need a replacement phone! (I'm going back in time, but not that far back in time!) Anyway, here is what I have come up with so far in case anyone else wants to join me.  (You know you want to.)

"Dumb Phone" with Cheaper Phone Plan
Here is the amazing flip phone I found.  Such a sleek design.  They actually highlight its sleek "clamshell" design on the webpage. I had no idea the shape of a clamshell was so sleek, but LG thinks so, and I'm going to brag about it all the time now. Count on me mentioning it when I show off my new phone (which I am naming "Doohickey", by the way).

You can call, text and take pictures and videos with this baby! I have a feeling it is that old fashioned texting, though, where you have to go through each letter three times before you get to the letter you want. Super. Maybe that will deter me from my phone even more. Hey! I may even call you. Remember when we used to do that?! I know. You won't pick up. I get it.

You can check out the deets here. And here are the plans you can choose from. I chose a plan that allows me to send pictures, because sending pictures is my favorite. You know what I'm really going to miss though? Those fun GIFs. I loved those silly things. I could waste so much time looking through them to find the perfect one that expressed my feelings.

Mobile Music Player
I will also need some sort of device to listen to music with. Anders suggested an old Discman. Ha ha ha!! Can you imagine me trying to run with one of those?! Did people ever run with those? You'd probably have to try to do "non-bumpy" or "smooth running" so those discs wouldn't skip. Sounds like a challenge I may be interested in...

In the meantime, I found this Sandisc Mp3 player that also works with Audible and Overdrive so I can still check out audio books from the library and use my Audible account. Phew! I have yet to set it up, but will let you know what I think once I do.

Look how cute it is! It's so teeny tiny. I can carry it around in my pocket.

Ferry Schedule
I still need one. I will have to get one of those ASAP or rely on a friend/husband who has one.

Books
Finally! Something I already have. This will not be a problem. I have a never-ending accumulating pile of books I want to read. Plus, I have Kindle books too. Done and done.

I have always been a sucker for "Self Help". Best books eva!

Laptop
I am going to have a rekindled relationship with my neglected laptop. I will have to use it for my work and shared family calendar, email, making reservations, buying stuff... Not to mention all the new photos I will be editing. Yesssa! I have to make sure I don't transfer my phone addiction to my laptop addiction though. Can't you already see that happening? This will be something I'll keep an eye on. If you notice me on Facebook a bunch, go ahead and call me out. You have my permission!

Essential Oil Reference Guide
Many of you know I am an essential oil junkie. I'm sure you can imagine how bummed I am that I won't be able to use this app. I do have the books, though, so those will have to suffice. Rough when your're out and about, though, and someone needs some respiratory support, and you can't quickly look it up. (I know it seems like it, but I'm totally not joking. This is a serious issue, people!) Is it cheating if I install it on Anders' phone? What? Really? AAARGH. Fine.

A Journal and Some Tea
Because, you know, tea seems so sophisticated, and everyone knows that journaling is a wonderful way to get in some daily therapy. I have been trying to do it more often. Another goal of mine.

I know there will be more that will come up. This is going to be interesting, but I have faith that it is a good decision. My new phone should be arriving tomorrow. Let Sarah's Smartphone Fast 2018 begin!

I don't really advocate "killing" it. I just thought it was kinda funny.

Sarah's Smartphone Fast 2018

It's that time again! Happy New Year!!! 

I am a sucker for new year's resolutions. I always have at least one, usually four  because it's hard for me to pick just one. For years I had "quit smoking" and "drink less" on my resolution list. Years! Not anymore. Booyah! Check! Check! Got those major life suckers off my list. Well, this year I have a mother resolution.  The resolution of the century!!! I have decided to give up my smartphone for a year. I am calling it "Sarah's Smartphone Fast 2018" or SSF18. Da Da DAAA!

 I just figured that after going an entire year without a sip of alcohol, I can do ANYTHING! I pretty much feel like a super hero, so maybe giving up my smartphone won't be so hard. This past year has taught me so much about what I value in life, and what I don't, and most importantly: to choose wisely.  I want to clean out anything that prevents me from living a full life. My smartphone is one of those things. 

So, adios, old friend. Smell ya later!

"Are you crazy?  How are you going to SURVIVE?"

Part of me thinks, "Holy crap, are you insane?! How are you going to wake up in the morning, or listen to audio books, or check your email, or buy stuff you don't need on Amazon, or not get lost!? What on Earth are you going to do while waiting in a long line?!" 

First of all, calm down. I have done this before. I didn't have my first smartphone until 2011, when I was over 30. I do remember how to check out a libary book and read a ferry schedule and what about maps? Remember those? Yeah, those massive things were a pain in the ass (sorry map lovers out there), but you know what I am good at? Asking for directions! (It's all about flashing a confused smile. Works like a charm!)

Anyway, back to my plan... Oh, yes! And books! I love those little stinkers. Plus, I will still use my computer to check emails and make reservations.  Life won't be as convenient, but maybe I won't waste so much of it. Convenience comes at a cost, and missing out on life is a pretty high one.

"Ummm... Just a Thought, but Why Don't You Just Put it Down?"

Well, there's an idea. I wish I had thought about that before I threw my phone into the Puget Sound. (Just kidding. No phones were harmed during this challenge).

Yes, I have tried that, I promise. I'm not that extreme. I just have no self control. It's different.

But here's what happens: I pick it back up!  

As soon as I find an idle moment, or sense that my daughters and husband aren't looking, it is back in my hands. Oh, and when I accidentally leave the house without it, I feel panicked. If the battery is too low, I text everyone that my phone is about to die and try to find anyone who can lend me a charger.

This is not normal behavior, people. It's weird. It isn't natural. My phone should not control me.

The truth is, just the the idea of doing this makes me feel like I'm in a teeny tiny little boat trying to paddle back in time by getting over this humongous, powerful wave heading into the future. That wave is going so fast, I worry that we're not paying attention to where it's going to hit. What is happening to connecting with others? I see kids, toddlers, being handed devices anytime they are unsettled. What is this doing to their development? Remember how we used to worry about too much tv?! This is like that problem on crack. And have you seen us lately?  Heads down, fixated on this little screen, missing the moment; missing life.  I'm really worried about us. 

Don't get me wrong. I love my smartphone, we all do, but herein lies the problem.

According to an app I recently installed on my phone called Moment, I have picked up my phone 91 times a day in the past week. I have spent 12%  of my waking time on my phone!  Granted, I am not working this week and have more free time to kill, but why am I killing my free time?! That seems like a ridiculous thing to do! As I have gotten older I have learned that time is one of my most precious commodities and I am killing it with my stupid phone?!  

What I DO Want

I have recently learned to stop thinking about the things I don't want and focus my attention on the things I do. It's amazing how my life changes for the better when I remember this simple trick. I invite in all of the good. 

So, here goes:

I want to live a simpler, more fulfilling life and be more present so I can enjoy it. I want to watch my girls doing gymnastics without worrying about what recipe I need to look up, or what fun activity I should search for on Pinterest or what Trump is doing to destroy the world. I want to see what kinds of amazing things I can do with all of the extra time that will be freed up when I am not transfixed by my phone. (I am full of ideas. Watch out, world!)

I truly believe that my life can hold so many more wonders than I am allowing to enter in because I am so checked out. I want to spend more time with the people who matter in my life. I want to spend more time on the things that matter, period. Remember Little House on the Prairie? Those people had it together and not one of them used a smartphone. 

"Why Should I Care?"

Maybe you do. Maybe you don't. That's totally up to you. I definitely have a lot of thoughts to share,  plus, let's not forget about the entertainment value. I compare myself to an adult trying a new physical activity for the first time (like imagine your adult best friend attempting to ride a bike for the first time). It's highly entertaining and often hilarious to watch. There's always a lot of wobbling and falling and flailing at first, and that's funny shit. But of course you are rooting for them to keep going! "You can do it!", (because you totally want them to succeed, and my God! You haven't laughed this hard in years!). I will be your best friend learning to ride a bike for the first time. I promise there will be flailing.

Maybe you'll laugh at all of the challenges I face going "smartphone free", or maybe you'll be inspired to join me on this journey (C'mon! The more, the merrier!) or, maybe I'll become some kind of enlightened spiritual goddess guru who has amazing things to share. (Hey, zip it! Jeez! Anything is possible!) Who knows what will happen. I guess we'll just have to wait and see. Mostly, I am writing this for myself - to keep me accountable, to chronicle this journey and to start taking photos again, because my soul was suffocating without that passion of mine.

So here I go. I'm really doing it. I just ordered a LG flip phone and signed up with Cricket (which will save me $70 a month, by the way!) This journey is starting. Sarah's Smartphone Fast 2018! Woot! Woot!